I tried not thinking like people suggested. I think I thought to much about not thinking. Whenever I feel like I can't stop thinking I decided to write songs. I wrote about twenty five new songs. Ain't that great? This site is great for boredom. I go write some gibberish like this when I am really bored. I'm gonna go be bored some where else now. Good night. I love you.

Its been a long time. I havent had much to say. I havent been thinkin to much. Actually I have thought to much. I have gone crazy. If you know what I mean respond.

This posting is for Samantha: "Man makes religion, religion does not make man." and: "Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world, It is the opium of the people."-Karl Marx, Sociologist and Athiest

Anyways. My head is currently being used as an armrest. Now my shoulder. It is quite fun. Yeah. Im in Creative Writing and I am forced to sit next to Mapes and smell her body odor. She is so whiny. But that is why we all love her. Makes me want to write a poem but God knows I have written to many about her.

I have been clean for 5 weeks now. Matt for 4 weeks. Anthony for 2 weeks. And Jenn for 2 weeks. We are all better people because of it. The only one of my best friends not to quit is Casey. I hope he does but I don't push him to do it because he will get mad at me and I love him. In a very gay way.

Well. I was happy all day. I lied. I was extremely happy. I got a girlfriend and fiancee on Friday. I was going to get to visit her in Arizona in a couple of months. The damn girl ran away from her boarding school today and was missing for three hours. I really hope it wasnt because she finally got to talk to me after two months of not seeing me or hearing from me. I hope I did not ruin her life anymore than it was. I thought she was perfect but needed to straighten up, but I fucking loved her beyond belief. Anyways. Today was good until I heard about this whole ordeal a few minutes ago. I guess I will just have to keep dreaming about the day I will see her again. It might be a while. Later days.

Saturday night I went to the Misfits show and got in for free cause I was in the crappy Cleveland Music Festival. The band before them was a shitty metal band and they had a stilted Jesus walk around stage. Everyone yelled fuck you at the band more directly at Jesus. They really sucked. The Misfits were outrageously great. Marky Ramone on drums! and two old fucks on guitar/vocals and bass. They played alot of their old songs. Like: "Last Carress", "Halloween", "Pyscho", and "The KKK Took My Baby Away". It was great. I moshed for alittle while but my nipple started to bleed alittle so I got out. Sunday Killing Dexter played with Agave at the Cleveland Muzik Fistival and it was swell. Except the fact that not to many people came. My guitar string broke and it messed up the set but besides that we rocked as always. I love Marin Mapes even though she smells like poo and is emo, just like my bestest friend Erin.

Thursday is the next Killing Dexter show. Its at the Phantasy Night Club. Its part of the Cleveland Music Festival which sucks. The show is going to be sweet though. We have scheduled another show for May 5th in Chesterland. Its an outdoor concert called Chemapalooza. Some kid just asked if we wanted to play and Im like sure. What are the odds of that? I have to go masturbate now, later.

I figured it all out. Sam and me broke up. I love Sarah and we are gonna get married. Now I just have to face her sister who wants to castrate me for cheating on her little sister. Ouch. Marin says Im emo so I might have to kill her. She is just an emo bitch who makes fun of other emo people. Im still waiting for this Friday. Me and Jamie are drinking alot of vodka and attempting suicide. Haha. We have both been sad we say. We just want attention from eachother. I must write another poem in honor of Erin:

I love you cause your emo

I hate you cause your not

I love you cause your emo

You are so fucking hott

I have no clue what to do. I am stuck in a moral dilemna. I love Sarah who is away in boarding school. But I have started to like Sammy. Sarah and me were always much closer and I love her to death. Sam and me just started as friends and while at a show kissed. We have kissed many times since then. I like her as more than a friend now but I still love Sarah. Sam knows that I love her and doesnt seem to mind. If she doesnt mind then it doesnt hurt her. Sarah had some relations (if you call it that) before she left. She cant really be mad at me for cheating especially when we are not dating. Like I said Im stuck in a moral dilemna. If anyone knows what the fuck I should do..please comment and give me some ideas. Much love Sarah and much like Sam. That was a joke. Ill try to sleep after getting all of that off my back. Good night.

I spent all of today moping around my house with nothing to do. I ate food and smoked ciggarettes and waited for something to do. I quit smoking pot and thats what most of my friends do. It makes them not like me as much. Anthony and Jenn quit smoking too, but Anthony is more depressed than I am because of his girlfriend being sent away to a detention home. He promised her he would stay clean for her, but he got drunk the other night and I havent talked to him since. I hope hes alright. Jenn is my week friend, on the weekends I never hear from her. Im sure well catch up on everything tomorrow while drinking coffee and smoking ciggarettes. Matt quit drugs as well but we barely talk anymore. He used to be one of my best friends. All the rest of my friends are still using all the time and dont want to be with me. I still drink alot and smoke ciggarettes and that helps me get through the day. I miss my best friend and love her with all my heart. I hope I can see you soon Sar. You are all that ever made me happy. Im not happy without you. Im sorry.