desperatedeath

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 03:35:48 GMT

I tried not thinking like people suggested. I think I thought to much about not thinking. Whenever I feel like I can't stop thinking I decided to write songs. I wrote about twenty five new songs. Ain't that great? This site is great for boredom. I go write some gibberish like this when I am really bored. I'm gonna go be bored some where else now. Good night. I love you.

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 17:42:08 GMT

Its been a long time. I havent had much to say. I havent been thinkin to much. Actually I have thought to much. I have gone crazy. If you know what I mean respond.

Tue, 25 May 2004 14:59:14 GMT

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you
name:	nathan
nickname [ if u have 1 ]:	nate
age:	17
hometown:	chardon
have a girlfriend/boyfriend:	yes
have you ever..
gotten detention because of something stupid:	being late
cheated on someone:	yeah
done bungee jumping before:	no
being to singapore:	no
being to malaysia:	no
dislike your own name:	yes
thinks Mickey Mouse is cool:	yes
cheated on test:	yes
cried because of someone special:	yes
this or that
piercing or tattoo:	i have piercings but i want a tattoo
red or pink:	red
maths or english:	english
chemistry or physics:	i got chemistry with women
vanilla coke or coke:	coke
read or write:	both
dance or sing:	sing
soap opera or comedy:	comedy
christmas or thanksgiving:	christmas
rome or greece:	rome
winter or spring:	spring
adidas or nike:	adidas
black or white:	white
pop or rap:	rap
rock or r&b:	rock
hot chocolate or hot cocoa:	is there a difference?
sugar or spice:	sugar
to be taken or to be single:	taken
group dates or single dates:	either or
at a pub or clubbing:	pub
do you..
smoke:	squares
curse:	yes
tattoo:	no
thinks Kylie rocks:	who?
play an instrument:	guitar
wants to get married:	yes
how many children do u want:	5
want to go to college:	yes
want to go to university:	is there a difference?
thinks you are popular:	with my dudes
thinks you are more popular than ur best mate:	not possible
wants to dyed ur hair to black:	yes
wear a belt:	everyday
wear a watch:	yes
wear braces:	used to for 4 years
wear hats/caps:	yes
make-up almost everyday:	no
favorites..
singer:	lars or bradley
color:	black
quote:	Religion is opium for the people.
store:	unique
song:	tiny dancer
movie:	slackers
place to be:	arizona
season:	spring
number:	69
time of the day:	dawn
holiday:	valentines day
restaurant:	chipotle
girl's name:	lily
boy's name:	frank
word:	fuckface
month:	april
chewing gum:	bubble tape
subject:	english
place in the world:	arizona
+random+
do you have any siblings:	yes
if you have, do u like them?:	yes
do you have any pets:	yes
whats on your mousepad:	laptop
do you wear contacts:	no
paint your nails:	sometimes
believed in love at first sight:	yes
like roller coaster:	no

Tue, 25 May 2004 13:16:33 GMT

This posting is for Samantha: "Man makes religion, religion does not make man." and: "Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world, It is the opium of the people."-Karl Marx, Sociologist and Athiest

Anyways. My head is currently being used as an armrest. Now my shoulder. It is quite fun. Yeah. Im in Creative Writing and I am forced to sit next to Mapes and smell her body odor. She is so whiny. But that is why we all love her. Makes me want to write a poem but God knows I have written to many about her.

I have been clean for 5 weeks now. Matt for 4 weeks. Anthony for 2 weeks. And Jenn for 2 weeks. We are all better people because of it. The only one of my best friends not to quit is Casey. I hope he does but I don't push him to do it because he will get mad at me and I love him. In a very gay way.

Tue, 25 May 2004 03:02:11 GMT

Well. I was happy all day. I lied. I was extremely happy. I got a girlfriend and fiancee on Friday. I was going to get to visit her in Arizona in a couple of months. The damn girl ran away from her boarding school today and was missing for three hours. I really hope it wasnt because she finally got to talk to me after two months of not seeing me or hearing from me. I hope I did not ruin her life anymore than it was. I thought she was perfect but needed to straighten up, but I fucking loved her beyond belief. Anyways. Today was good until I heard about this whole ordeal a few minutes ago. I guess I will just have to keep dreaming about the day I will see her again. It might be a while. Later days.

Mon, 24 May 2004 13:25:23 GMT

Saturday night I went to the Misfits show and got in for free cause I was in the crappy Cleveland Music Festival. The band before them was a shitty metal band and they had a stilted Jesus walk around stage. Everyone yelled fuck you at the band more directly at Jesus. They really sucked. The Misfits were outrageously great. Marky Ramone on drums! and two old fucks on guitar/vocals and bass. They played alot of their old songs. Like: "Last Carress", "Halloween", "Pyscho", and "The KKK Took My Baby Away". It was great. I moshed for alittle while but my nipple started to bleed alittle so I got out. Sunday Killing Dexter played with Agave at the Cleveland Muzik Fistival and it was swell. Except the fact that not to many people came. My guitar string broke and it messed up the set but besides that we rocked as always. I love Marin Mapes even though she smells like poo and is emo, just like my bestest friend Erin.

Fri, 21 May 2004 13:05:01 GMT

Fuck the Cleveland Music Festival. They screw you over and then they screw you over again. They are a bunch of tards. An error was made in my last entry, our upcoming show at Chemapalooza is on the fifth of June. Not May, seeing as how that has already passed. Speaking of being a tard, right? So yes. I am in love with Sarah. I talked to her finally, I havent talked to her in about two months. We said I love you about every half a minute. She said she is coming home in a few months so Ill finally be able to be with her again. We are going to get married and have little kids and grow old together and die. How great. Our next show is going to be this Sunday at the Pit and Cleveland Music Fistival. The idea is to "RAISE YOUR FIST TO CORPORATE GLOBILIZATION!" which is great. It costs one dollar to get in or if you are a registered voter it is free. Im the happiest guy alive right now cause I am in love. Much love thugs.

Wed, 19 May 2004 12:45:08 GMT

Thursday is the next Killing Dexter show. Its at the Phantasy Night Club. Its part of the Cleveland Music Festival which sucks. The show is going to be sweet though. We have scheduled another show for May 5th in Chesterland. Its an outdoor concert called Chemapalooza. Some kid just asked if we wanted to play and Im like sure. What are the odds of that? I have to go masturbate now, later.

Tue, 18 May 2004 12:48:12 GMT

I figured it all out. Sam and me broke up. I love Sarah and we are gonna get married. Now I just have to face her sister who wants to castrate me for cheating on her little sister. Ouch. Marin says Im emo so I might have to kill her. She is just an emo bitch who makes fun of other emo people. Im still waiting for this Friday. Me and Jamie are drinking alot of vodka and attempting suicide. Haha. We have both been sad we say. We just want attention from eachother. I must write another poem in honor of Erin:

I love you cause your emo

I hate you cause your not

I love you cause your emo

You are so fucking hott

Mon, 17 May 2004 12:53:03 GMT

I hate school. It is such a pointless waste of time. I have five classes in a row that have no meaning whatsoever. Today is also Cedar Point skip day and I was not told. If I knew I would have stayed home and slept all day. Im tired as hell. I cant wait to go get coffee with Jenn during lunch. It shall be grande. I found an article this morning about emo. Emo kids hate the fact that they are labeled as emo. I find that funny. It just means they are emotional. It is really easy to pinpoint someone that is emo. They look like they are feeling emotional. Easy as that. Marin isnt at school today so I have nothing to do. Usually we talk about the beatles and bands of greatness like that. I think Ill try and go to sleep or something. I do not fail in school, school fails me.

Mon, 17 May 2004 04:14:12 GMT

I have no clue what to do. I am stuck in a moral dilemna. I love Sarah who is away in boarding school. But I have started to like Sammy. Sarah and me were always much closer and I love her to death. Sam and me just started as friends and while at a show kissed. We have kissed many times since then. I like her as more than a friend now but I still love Sarah. Sam knows that I love her and doesnt seem to mind. If she doesnt mind then it doesnt hurt her. Sarah had some relations (if you call it that) before she left. She cant really be mad at me for cheating especially when we are not dating. Like I said Im stuck in a moral dilemna. If anyone knows what the fuck I should do..please comment and give me some ideas. Much love Sarah and much like Sam. That was a joke. Ill try to sleep after getting all of that off my back. Good night.

Mon, 17 May 2004 03:10:24 GMT

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*Stuff Everyone Probably Knows..*
Name:	nathan
Birthday:	february 11
Hair Colour:	brown
Eye Colour:	brown
Height:	6 foot
*Favourites*
Colour:	black
Movie:	empire records
Food:	club sandwich
Drink:	beer
Animal:	dog
Phrase:	please have sex with me
Hangout:	my house
Person:	Sarah
Family Member:	Brother
Movie:	Said it once already
*Gender Preferences \|[whichever you fancy]\|*
Hair Colour:	multicolored
Hair Legnth:	short
Eye Colour:	dark
Age \|[in relation to your own]\|:	younger
Height:	shorter
Gender:	female
'Label' or Clothing Preference:	dickies
Music Preference:	punk
*Either-Ors*
Boy/Girl:	boy
Dog/Cat:	dog
Gold/Silver:	silver
Older/Younger:	older
Rap/Rock:	depends
Sweet/Sour:	sweet
Is it favourite or favorite:	favourite
Colour or color:	colour
Theatre or theater:	theatre
*The Good Stuff \|[have you ever..]\|*
Cut/sliced/slashed/gouged/self-mutilated:	yes
Wanted to:	yes
Thought about it:	yes
Attempted suicide:	no
Wanted to:	yes
Thought about it:	yes
Done drugs:	yes
Was it to see someone's reaction:	no
Gotten drunk:	yes
Gotten high:	yes
Woken up not remembering what happened the previous night:	yes
Had sex:	yes
With the same sex \|[if straight]\| or opposite sex \|[if not]\|:	yes
Deflowered a virgin:	yes
Fantasized about it:	yes
*Made yourself throw up*
Tried:	no
Kept yourself from eating:	no
Tried:	no
Changed to get a guy/girl:	yes
Cheated on your guy/girl:	yes
Said 'I love you' without meaning it:	no
Made a snow angel:	yes
Made a snow fort:	yes
Been flatulent during sex:	not sure
Spent more than 1oo$$ on alcohol:	yes
Or potato chips:	no
Or soda:	no
*Do you care that..*
I'm going to a party tonight:	no
You can't come:	no
I play polo:	no
I got to private schools:	no
My boyfriend is really hot:	yes
Bush is driving the US into a ditch:	yes
I had a snow-day today \|[hence the snow questions]\|:	no
I really have to pee:	no
*Okay You're Probably Getting Bored \|[random questions- almost done]\|*
Do you like A Perfect Circle:	no
Do you know who :Wumpscut: is:	no
Would you rather starve to death or die of dehydration:	starve
Do you have a penis:	yes
Do you want some cheese:	no
Are you into bondage \|[I am]\|:	yes
How about tantric:	not sure
Or oral:	yes
Do you like kinky porn:	yes
How about gay porn:	no
Orgy porn:	yes
Phone sex:	yes
Internet sex:	yes
Webcams:	yes
Prostitutes:	yes
Are you for gay rights:	not sure
Do you like sprinkles \|[jimmies]\| on ice cream/frozen yogurt/soy product:	yes
Are sparkles pretty:	yes
Do you believe in God/Allah/a messiah:	a god
Really:	yes
Okay we're done:	sweet

Mon, 17 May 2004 02:36:39 GMT

Put an (X) if you have and a (-) if you haven't...

(X) been drunk
(X) smoked pot
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(-) kissed a member of the same sex
(-) crashed a friend's car
(-) been to japan
(-) ridden in a taxi
(X) been in love

(X) had sex ( Like a virgin )
(X) had sex in public ( Like a slutty virgin )
(X) been dumped ( Like a foolish virgin )
(X) shoplifted
(-) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight ( rough em up a lil eh? )
(-) had a threesome
(X) snuck out of my parent's house
(-) been tied up (sexually)

(-) had sex with a member of the same sex
(-) been arrested
(X) made out with a stranger

(X) stole something from your job
(-) celebrated new years in time square
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend (sadly)
(-) had a crush on a teacher
(-) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(-) been to europe
(X) skipped school
(-) slept with a co-worker
(X) cut myself on purpose
(-) had sex at the office
(-) been married
(-) gotten divorced
(-) had children
(X) lash out irrationally

(X)sat in the back row of a movie theatre intentionally thinking u'd make out
(-)fooled around with a stripper to entertain people at a party
(-)wondered what your sister looks like naked
(X) stayed on the phone all night
(X) pulled an all-nighter
(-)gone crowd surfing
(X)made out in an elevator
(-)had sex in an elevator
(X)fallin down stairs in front of someone you liked

Mon, 17 May 2004 02:19:28 GMT

I spent all of today moping around my house with nothing to do. I ate food and smoked ciggarettes and waited for something to do. I quit smoking pot and thats what most of my friends do. It makes them not like me as much. Anthony and Jenn quit smoking too, but Anthony is more depressed than I am because of his girlfriend being sent away to a detention home. He promised her he would stay clean for her, but he got drunk the other night and I havent talked to him since. I hope hes alright. Jenn is my week friend, on the weekends I never hear from her. Im sure well catch up on everything tomorrow while drinking coffee and smoking ciggarettes. Matt quit drugs as well but we barely talk anymore. He used to be one of my best friends. All the rest of my friends are still using all the time and dont want to be with me. I still drink alot and smoke ciggarettes and that helps me get through the day. I miss my best friend and love her with all my heart. I hope I can see you soon Sar. You are all that ever made me happy. Im not happy without you. Im sorry.